I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
