found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
