Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
