just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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