Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
