do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
