So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm passing your future prison.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
