the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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