Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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