YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
birth control should be required to get into college
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
