I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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