Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
