My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
