Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
