i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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