I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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