The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
