you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
