I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
