cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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