then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
