Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
