her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
