he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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