There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
