if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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