I murdered the dance floor call the cops
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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