I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
