I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
