dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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