I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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