He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
