Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
