if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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