am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So. Much. Porn.
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