i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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