i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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