So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
