Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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