Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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