if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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