That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
