I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
