i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
