For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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