my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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