I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
