So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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