Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
