I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
