too bad you live with your parents still
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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