So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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