Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
